i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
