my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
