We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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