The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
