I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
