I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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