We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
