with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
