Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
