Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
