Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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