im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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