i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
