i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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