He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
