No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
