Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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