I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
