if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
