His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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