I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
