Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
