Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
