wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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