Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
