why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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