I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
