Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
