youre lurking in front of me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
