Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
