I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In America we eat man semen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
