Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
