I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
