just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
