Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
