yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
