I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
