but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
