do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
