I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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