whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
