Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
