Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
