chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
they're like a gay fantastic four
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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