They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
