I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
