i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
