Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
