I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
