we're chasing vodka with high fives
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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