ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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