I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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