We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
