Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
